If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mom to three kids with special needs, it’s that fixations are no joke. They come in fast, strong, and all-consuming—whether they last three minutes, three months, or three years. And let me tell you, trying to keep up with them all is like running a marathon where the finish line keeps moving.
The Challenge of Keeping Up
Each time a new special interest emerges, I have two choices:
- Learn everything I can about it—memorize the details, research the history, know the facts—so my child has someone to talk to.
- Let them teach me—but risk them feeling like I don’t know enough to hold a conversation.
It’s a delicate balance. If I learn too much, they may feel like I’ve “taken over” their interest. If I don’t learn enough, they may feel like I don’t care. Either way, it’s walking a tightrope.
And the hardest part? I never know how long the fixation will last. One moment, we’re knee-deep in dinosaurs, watching documentaries, discussing the Cretaceous period, and reciting every species name known to man. Then suddenly—poof—we’re onto something new, and I’m left with an unnecessary amount of dinosaur knowledge while we now deep dive into the world of obscure train engines or the entire lore of a 1980s video game.
Whether they’re 2, 12, or 22, when they love something, they love it hard. It fills their thoughts, drives their conversations, and shapes their daily routines. And as a mom, I want to nurture their joy without taking over their experience—but that is easier said than done.
The Fine Line Between Supporting and Overstepping
One of the trickiest parts is figuring out how much to help without unintentionally ruining the experience for them. It’s so easy to want to jump in and do it for them—to find that missing piece to their collection, to organize their research, to buy them the perfect book or movie to fuel their passion.
But here’s the problem: sometimes that takes away the joy for them.
They want to discover it themselves. They want to tell me the facts, not hear me repeat them. They want to feel like they’re in control of their own learning.
I’ve made the mistake of getting ahead of them—ordering books before they even realize they want to read about it, or tracking down merchandise that they haven’t had the thrill of finding for themselves. And while I thought I was helping, I was really robbing them of the process—the part that makes their fixation so thrilling to them.
On the flip side, if I wait too long, I risk missing the window entirely. I’ve had times where I finally got my hands on something only for them to move on by the time it arrived. It’s a game of timing, patience, and pure guesswork.
Finding Ways to Enjoy the Fixation (Instead of Feeling Overwhelmed by It)
If you’re a parent who feels exhausted by the ever-changing waves of special interests, I see you. It’s easy to feel burned out when you invest so much energy into something, only for it to be replaced overnight. But here are some ways I’ve learned to embrace the process rather than fight it:
✔ Let them lead the way. Instead of trying to be an expert, be their audience. Let them tell you all about it, and ask open-ended questions that invite them to share more.
✔ Find small ways to engage. You don’t have to learn everything. Just knowing a few key details can make them feel seen and heard.
✔ Give them space to explore. It’s okay if you don’t share their passion. Set up ways for them to engage—whether it’s a designated shelf, a corner of the house, or a digital space where they can collect and track their findings.
✔ Celebrate the process, not just the interest. Instead of focusing on the subject itself, focus on their passion for learning. Their ability to research, their excitement to share, their dedication to absorbing information—those are lifelong skills worth celebrating.
✔ Embrace the unpredictability. It’s okay if they drop a fixation suddenly. That knowledge or skill wasn’t wasted—it may resurface in unexpected ways down the road.
✔ Prepare for the next wave. If a new fixation feels overwhelming, remember—it might be gone tomorrow, or it might become a lifelong passion. Either way, they’re learning, growing, and finding joy in discovery.
Final Thoughts
It’s not easy riding the waves of intense fixations—but it’s part of what makes our kids so incredibly special. Their passion, their deep-dive learning, their all-in approach to the world—it’s something to be admired, even when it’s exhausting.
So whether we’re memorizing every Pokémon, building an entire LEGO city from scratch, or reciting every fact about the Titanic, we do it not just for them—but with them. Because in the end, what matters most isn’t the subject itself—it’s the connection we build along the way. 💙