As a mom to three kids with special needs—ages 8, 10, and 12—navigating their emotional world can often feel overwhelming. Each of my children experiences life differently, and with that comes unique emotional challenges. Some days are filled with laughter and joy, while others are marked by frustration and those big feelings that seem to come out of nowhere.
When those big emotions hit—whether it’s anger, sadness, or anxiety—it can be really tough to help them calm down. It’s not just about offering reassurance or telling them everything will be okay. For kids with special needs, especially, emotions can feel so intense and hard to manage that even small frustrations can become huge meltdowns. And as their mom, I’ve had to learn a lot of strategies to help them through it.
Here are three things that have helped me calm my kids faster when those big feelings strike:
1. Get Down on Their Level
When your child is upset, getting down to their eye level can make a world of difference. It’s easy to forget how intimidating it can be for a child to look up at an adult when they’re already feeling overwhelmed. By getting down on their level, you’re showing that you’re there with them—not towering over them. It creates a sense of connection, and they feel less alone in their big emotions.
For my 8-year-old, who often feels overwhelmed by sensory overload, kneeling down and making eye contact helps him feel seen and safe. It’s a small gesture, but it shows him that I’m in the moment with him, ready to listen and understand.
2. Show Empathy on Your Face
Words don’t always reach my kids when they’re in the middle of a meltdown. But something that always helps is showing empathy through my facial expressions. When they see that I’m not angry or frustrated, but instead showing concern and compassion, it helps them feel validated.
My 10-year-old, who struggles with anxiety, often needs to see that I’m not upset with him for being upset. Sometimes, just softening my face and showing that I’m feeling his pain with him is enough to get him to take a deep breath and start calming down. It’s a powerful reminder that we don’t always need to say the right thing—sometimes, our face can do the talking for us.
3. Use a Soothing Voice
When emotions are high, it’s easy for voices to rise, too—both theirs and mine. But I’ve learned that keeping my voice soft, calm, and soothing helps my kids de-escalate much faster. Even when they’re yelling or crying, if I keep my tone steady and gentle, it creates a sense of safety and comfort.
My 12-year-old, who often struggles with emotional regulation, responds well to this. When I speak to him in a soft, reassuring voice, it gives him permission to start calming down, too. It’s almost like my calmness becomes contagious. Even when my patience is running thin, taking a deep breath and lowering my voice works wonders in those tough moments.
The Journey Is Ongoing
Every day with my kids is different, and every emotional moment presents a new challenge. But these three strategies—getting down on their level, showing empathy on my face, and using a soothing voice—have been invaluable in helping them through their big feelings.
For parents of special needs kids, I know how hard it can be when your child is struggling emotionally. It’s not always easy to know how to respond, and sometimes, nothing seems to work. But creating moments of connection, showing empathy, and keeping calm can go a long way in helping them feel understood and loved.
What works for one child may not work for another, and I’m still learning every day. But one thing remains true: no matter how big their feelings get, they need to know that we’re there, steady and calm, ready to weather the emotional storms with them.
If you’ve found any techniques that help calm your kids during emotional outbursts, I’d love to hear them. We’re all in this together, navigating those big feelings one day at a time.
What’s worked for you? Let’s share and support each other! 💙